Pleasure as a Resource for Healing: Reclaiming Joy, Embodiment & Nervous System Regulation
The Moment That Changed Everything
For most of my life, I wasn’t the woman who prioritized pleasure.
I wasn’t the sensual, sexually empowered mother you see today.
For almost 35 years, I lived with the belief that pleasure was indulgent, something to be earned, something reserved for special occasions—or something that belonged to someone else.
I carried the weight of societal conditioning that told me pleasure was secondary to productivity, that my body was for my partner’s pleasure, that healing had to be painful to be valid.
I thought pleasure was for other women.
Until, at 35 years old, I made a different choice.
One afternoon, when my kids were at school and the house was quiet, I did something I had never done before.
I lit a candle.
Turned on music that stirred something deep inside me.
Warmed some coconut oil between my hands.
And for the first time, I offered my body tenderness—not as a duty, not for someone else, but as a prayer.
I touched my skin with the kind of presence I had been craving my whole life. I moved slowly, tracing my collarbone, my shoulders, the curve of my waist, whispering to my body that I saw her, that I was here, that she belonged to me.
And then—I sobbed.
Because in that moment, I realized I had spent years mothering, working, giving, and holding space for everyone else—but never myself.
I had never truly let myself receive.
And that afternoon of simply being with myself changed everything.
That was the moment I stopped seeing pleasure as something external and started recognizing it as a resource.
A tool for healing.
A way to soften the survival mode I had been living in.
A practice of belonging to myself.
That was the day I started listening to pleasure.
The Science of Pleasure & Self-Healing
We are conditioned to believe that pleasure is indulgent. That it is something extra.
But modern neuroscience and somatic therapy tell a different story—pleasure is a key component of healing, resilience, and nervous system regulation.
Pleasure activates the parasympathetic nervous system → shifting the body out of survival mode and into a state of deep restoration.
Neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins are released when we experience pleasure → reducing stress, easing anxiety, and promoting a sense of safety in the body.
Dr. Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing research shows that pleasure is necessary for trauma healing → because it anchors the nervous system in safety while processing difficult emotions. (Source)
Studies on pleasure-based practices show that experiencing regular pleasure increases emotional resilience and decreases symptoms of PTSD. (Source)
Pleasure is not a luxury—it is a biological necessity.
And yet, so many of us resist it.
Why We Resist Pleasure: The Blocks to Receiving
If pleasure is so deeply healing, why do we struggle to embrace it?
For many women, pleasure has been framed as something:
❌ Indulgent (only allowed after work is done)
❌ Frivolous (not important in the “real world”)
❌ Selfish (especially for those raised to be caretakers)
❌ Shameful (due to cultural, religious, or familial conditioning)
And for those with trauma, burnout, or body disconnection, pleasure can feel outright unsafe.
If you’ve lived in fight-or-flight mode, your nervous system may struggle to relax into pleasure.
If you’ve been taught that your worth is tied to productivity, slowing down for pleasure may feel “unearned.”
If you’ve experienced body shame or trauma, allowing yourself to receive pleasure may bring up guilt or resistance.
But healing isn’t just about addressing pain—it’s about learning to hold pleasure, too.
This is where the Healing Vortex and Pendulation (key principles in Somatic Experiencing) help us understand how pleasure and trauma work together.
The Healing Vortex: Pleasure as a Counterbalance to Pain
When we talk about healing through pleasure, we’re really talking about the nervous system’s ability to find safety, expansion, and integration—and that’s where concepts like the Healing Vortex and Pendulation come in. These principles, rooted in Somatic Experiencing (SE) and trauma resolution, explain how the body naturally heals by moving between discomfort and safety, contraction and expansion, pain and pleasure.
Imagine walking through a cold, dimly lit cave, your body tight with tension. Suddenly, you see a warm, glowing light ahead—a space of comfort, warmth, and safety. Instinctively, you move toward it.
That glowing space? That’s the Healing Vortex—the part of you that is always oriented toward pleasure, ease, and safety.
In daily life, the Healing Vortex looks like:
The deep exhale after holding your breath in stress.
The way your body softens into a hug.
The moment of laughter after days of grief.
The pleasure of music, touch, warmth, or beauty.
Even when we are moving through deep pain, pleasure exists as a counterbalance.
Pleasure as a Daily Practice for Self-Healing
Pleasure is not just about peak experiences—it’s about the small, everyday moments that remind us we are alive.
Taking the first sip of coffee or tea and actually pausing to feel the warmth as it moves through your body.
Letting the shower water run over your skin, closing your eyes, and feeling the weight of the day dissolve.
Lighting incense or a candle and watching the flicker of the flame, breathing in the scent with full awareness.
Swaying to music in the kitchen, hips moving to the rhythm while you cook or clean.
Taking a bite of fruit and actually tasting it—the sweetness, the texture, the way it bursts in your mouth.
Running your fingers through your hair, noticing the sensation of touch as a form of self-connection.
Pleasure in Relationships: The Healing Power of Shared Joy
Pleasure is not just personal—it transforms relationships.
Research on the neurobiology of intimacy shows that shared pleasurable experiences increase oxytocin, strengthening bonds and reducing stress. (Source)
When we cultivate self-sourced pleasure, we no longer seek validation from others—we enter relationships from overflow, rather than depletion.
This changes everything—
✅ How we express desire.
✅ How we experience intimacy.
✅ How we receive love, without shrinking or self-abandoning.
Pleasure creates safety, trust, and deeper emotional connection—not just in romantic relationships, but in friendship, family, and community.
When we allow pleasure into our relationships, we create a space where connection can thrive.
Pleasure as a Core Part of My Work
In my mentorship, ceremonies, and embodiment work, pleasure is more than just an experience—it’s a tool for healing, a path to self-trust, and a gateway to embodied leadership.
I guide women to reconnect with pleasure in ways that feel safe, nourishing, and expansive, helping them reclaim what has often been conditioned out of them.
Pleasure is not just about sensuality—it’s about being fully alive in your body, present to your desires, and unapologetic in your self-expression.
Whether through deep somatic work, sacred ceremony, or everyday embodiment practices, the journey back to pleasure is a journey home to oneself.
Pleasure as a Healing Tool:
An antidote to trauma, stress, and nervous system dysregulation.
Softens the body’s defenses, allowing for deep emotional release and self-reclamation.
Expands capacity to hold life’s full spectrum—joy, grief, love, and transformation.
Rebuilds trust with the body, especially for those disconnected due to shame, trauma, or conditioning.
Pleasure as a Leadership Tool:
Creates magnetic, embodied leaders—amplifying confidence, intuition, and personal power.
Strengthens self-trust, helping women make decisions from clarity and inner knowing, not fear.
Fuels creativity and expression, allowing for leadership from an authentic, embodied place.
Shifts how women take up space—moving from overcompensating or shrinking to leading with ease, authenticity, and joy.
Pleasure is not just self-care—it’s a foundation for healing, leadership, and living fully.
Where to Begin if You Feel Deeply Disconnected from Pleasure
For many women, pleasure feels distant, complicated, or even unsafe.
If you’ve been conditioned to see pleasure as indulgent, if you’ve lived in survival mode for years, or if your relationship with your body has been shaped by shame or disconnection—pleasure can feel overwhelming.
But pleasure should never feel like another task or expectation. It is something that unfolds at the pace of safety and curiosity.
This is the foundation of my 1:1 private Awakening (3-month) and Rebirth (9-month) mentorships, where I guide women through a deeply embodied, step-by-step journey back to pleasure.
Here’s where we begin:
✨ Step 1: Safety First
Before diving into pleasure, we focus on nervous system regulation and feeling safe in the body. This might look like grounding exercises, breathwork, or simply placing a hand on the heart and noticing sensations.
✨ Step 2: Micro-Pleasures
Instead of chasing big, peak experiences, we start with small, daily pleasures. This can be noticing warmth from the sun, savoring a sip of tea, enjoying the sensation of fabric against skin.
✨ Step 3: Sensory Exploration
Pleasure isn’t just about sex—it’s about engaging all the senses. We explore textures, scents, movement, sound—anything that brings joy and aliveness.
✨ Step 4: Self-Intimacy Practices
Learning to be with oneself, touch oneself, and express oneself without shame or performance. This can include gentle self-massage, self-pleasure, mirror work, or breathwork to awaken sensitivity.
✨ Step 5: Rewriting Pleasure Narratives
Identifying and releasing conditioning that tells you pleasure is wrong, indulgent, or unearned. Replacing old beliefs with new truths:
💭 Pleasure is my birthright.
💭 Pleasure is healing.
💭 My pleasure is enough.
Pleasure isn’t something you have to earn—it’s something that belongs to you.
If you’re ready to explore pleasure as a healing tool and a path to self-trust, Awakening & Rebirth Mentorships are open. DM me “AWAKEN” or book a FREE Alignment call.
Final Reflection: What If Pleasure Was the Medicine, Not the Reward?
For so long, pleasure has been framed as something extra—a luxury, a treat, something we must earn.
But what if pleasure was the medicine all along?
What if healing wasn’t just about working through pain, but about learning to hold pleasure with the same reverence?
What if your relationship with pleasure was the key to feeling more alive, more embodied, more at home in yourself?
Because pleasure isn’t something you have to prove yourself worthy of.
It isn’t something reserved for later, when you’ve done enough, achieved enough, or healed enough.
Pleasure belongs to you—right now, as you are.
💭 Where in your life are you denying yourself pleasure? What would shift if you let yourself receive more?
💌 I invite you to choose one small way to experience pleasure today.
It could be as simple as breathing deeper, slowing down, letting your body soften into a moment of presence.
Pleasure is not separate from healing—it is the healing.
And the more you allow yourself to receive it, the more life opens to meet you in return.
Let me know in the comments—what is one pleasure practice you’re embracing today?
